Hookups – the “wham, bam, thank you ma’am” of sex. This is where a guy and girl just meet to get sex. It could be a one night stand, or a series of friendly hookups. For some, this is a lifestyle. For others, it’s a source of heartache, or a feeling of emptiness.
Hookups can be exciting at first, but from my experience, they are quick and unsatisfying. Sure, the workup point before the sex is fantastic, but 9/10, most guys can’t even do decent foreplay, and they don’t last long.
It’s the reason why I tell guys I do dating, not hookups. I want to be able to do more than a couple times hooking up. I want to know who I’m having sex with, and maybe teach both of us how to have better, more satisfying sex.
Ooh, that sounded both harsh and kinda kinky… depending on how you read that. However, from my observation, social media has made it easier for people to hookup. It’s easier to get sex from someone, and then be done with them.
I’m not going to throw in stats or quotes from some sex therapist. I’m nearly 40 years old (at the time of this post being written), and I’ve seen a lot. I’ve experienced a lot too.
I just don’t find hookups satisfying at all. Most of the guys have a bigger talk game than anything. It’s cute, but when the cards are laid out on the table, or I should say, the clothes are off, and we’re trying to get it on, there’s just not much.
I love having sex. I’m good at it, and I pride myself on being an equal opportunist in bed. I want to be top or bottom. I want to use toys. I want my tits played with. I want my body caressed. I want to caress and lick his body. I might even want a little dirty talk. I want to be able to cum.
However, in hookups, unless that guy uses more foreplay and conscious effort, one to 5 times in the bed with them, aren’t going to result in orgasm.
My personal belief about sex, is that each person is responsible for their own pleasure. However, if you want to become a better lover, you have to get outside of your own head and be unselfish. And that’s not going to work in 1 night or a handful of hookups.
And that’s why it’s a dilemma for me. I’ve had some satisfying past partners, and they were better because we were together a lot longer. I’m not saying they were gods in bed, but I was able to connect and appreciate them more. I could explore them more, and even learn what they liked. In return, they became more generous with their time, in learning what I wanted.
Now, I’m not going to say all hookups are unsatisfying. I can’t speak for other men and women. I can only speak for my own experiences and situations. Sure, I did have fun, and there was a thrill, but in the end, I had to go home and play with myself, to finish off.
If you’re reading this, then you might wonder why didn’t play with myself, after my partner was finished… Well, it’s kind of a earned thing. They didn’t want to play with me, so they didn’t earn the right to know the secrets on how I can get myself off so quickly.
Additionally, I kind of like to be nice about it, as some guys seems to feel that it is insulting. It’s insulting not to be conscious of your partner’s needs, even if they are a one night stand, friend with benefits, or the occasional hookup.
My advice to men reading this is: Try enjoying your partner more. Even if you’re not going to keep them for long, try asking them what they want you to do. Be a generous lover. You might want to come back for seconds, or thirds, or more. OR, you at least have a lover who left very satisfied.
My advice to women reading this: Same. However, if you’re like me, start taking a little more charge and let the guy know your wants. You might only get one time or a few times, but make them all count. Wring all the pleasure you can, while giving.
That sounds like the perfect fantasy, right? It’s not a fantasy. It’s actually obtainable if you truly want satisfying sex, no matter what type of relationship status.