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I’ve always understood the term “Indian giving” as something that was given, but was taken back unfairly. It’s frowned on. It’s somewhat similar to there with being given something, and it being held over your head, when the giver isn’t in agreement with you on something completely dumb.
Just to be a little more correct on the term, Indian giver is:
Indian giver is an American expression, used to describe a person who gives a “gift” and later wants it back, or who expects something of equivalent worth in return for the item.Wikipedia – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indian_giver
The Wikipedia article is actually pretty good, if you want to know a little bit more about the history of how that term came to be.
So, back to the issue…
If I’m giving something, I’d like it with no secret expectations or it being a coupon to be bitched at, on a later date. I’m grateful for a lot of things in my life, but for some, I can’t do anything right, and it’s stressful when people don’t look things up and find out the facts, but want to turn to petty behavior.
The term Indian giver or Indian giving, has changed a little over the years, and usually not used much for younger crowds. For me, if I’m giving something, I expect nothing in return. For the most part, I don’t have problems with people, as they are appreciative.
For the few that I do have issues with, it’s just been agonizing. It makes me look over my shoulder, and wonder: “So, when the next petty disagreement comes, am I going to get snapped at?”
How am I to know, when I walk into a situation, that someone had a bad day? I don’t, unless I’m being told.
At my age, I’m kind of tired of having to experience this with grown adults. You either give something and be happy, or don’t. Don’t make it a coupon towards a future bitch fest. Grow the fuck up!
Life is already rough for a lot of people. It’s the same thing as dangling a carrot in front of a horse, except you already gave it to the horse, but beat them anyway. It’s toxic and wrong.
What I’m usually guilty with, in this situation, is throwing back a reminder of what I have given.
Scenario starts with an okay scene with conversation, until the other person says something that is false.
Me: “But if you look it up, you will see you need the things that we were talking about. If you don’t have it, then you won’t be able to do what you want to, in that situation.
Other Person: “You’re wrong. I can do this. You just want to argue and be right.”
Me: “It’s not about me being right. It’s just the facts. You will find out for yourself.”
Other Person: You’re wrong! You’re always treating me like shit. I should make you give back that thing that cost me a lot of money. You’re lucky I’m not doing that!
Me: “You’re lucky I haven’t given or gone out of my way to do things for you when you needed my help.”
My addition at the end of that conversation wasn’t needed, and should stop. In fact, the whole conversation was wrong. Instead, I should’ve sent information to them, and said to read that when they had time, so they knew what they needed.
The act of giving should never come with secret terms. It’s an act of love and friendship that should be cherished. In these times, with so many people, there’s so much pain, hate, and anger. If we can stop putting a price tag on the precious things that truly matter, we’d be better off.